Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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