her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
