he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
