Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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