What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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