I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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