Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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