it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
