i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
