Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
