I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
