i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
