so let's talk penis.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
