Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
