I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
