i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
