Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
