Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
