Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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