So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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