btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
