birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
