So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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