I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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