Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
