I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
