Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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