I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
