How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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