Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
