Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
