Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize