so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
