I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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