Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
