After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your penis caused this!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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