I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
