dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
