My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
