If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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