Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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