Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
