We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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