I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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