Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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