I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
