I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
