I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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