Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
