you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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