you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
