oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
