and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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