i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
