I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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