Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
