I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
